theearth: (Default)
Save the Earth Mods ([personal profile] theearth) wrote 2013-04-22 04:46 am (UTC)

Revision Request

Actually, looking this over again, I'd like to ask for expanded samples. The headcanon is fine given your explanation, but there's not a whole lot of voice coming through with what you've written here. More telling than showing, so to speak. The compassion that you highlighted as a major theme in the personality is vaguely present in the first sample, but not there for the second, and both read as a bit flat, even taking the calm persona into account. It's difficult to gauge from in both cases because of this.

Give it a little more oomph in terms of length and depth, and I'll slap an approval on it.

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