It's okay, driving is important! Also, it's bedtime in mod-timezone land. If you have further questions our reply might be delayed.
Hi Critiana,
We're sorry we weren't able to accept Sakuya into the game. We will try to outline for you the problems we encountered while looking at your app so you know what we're looking for in the future.
Preincarnated History: First, we had a hard time following the canon history without consulting a Wiki. Something that is clearer in terms of chronological order and goes into more detail regarding what happened during events that you listed, would make for a more coherent biography
Reincarnated History: We feel that her being born in France and then somehow ending up in an orphanage in Germany was a choice that didn't make sense in the real world without explanation. Another issue is that orphanages haven't operated like that in a long time (In Germany). In modern times everything happens through foster families. StE - with the exception of echoes, monsters and Locke City existing - is just like our world. Due to this, real world laws and institutions are a part of the premise.
Preincarnation Personality: This section was not only very short for a personality section (especially after adjusting for headcanon,) but also rather skeletal. A good approach here would be "show, not tell." It's important to back up facts with examples; to not only say "she is loyal" but also "she is shown to be loyal in this situation."
We would have also liked to see who else or what else is important to her besides Remilia, and how her personality traits apply to people other than Remilia. The personality section should really be the "meat and potatoes" part of the app.
Abilities: You indicate that some of what you have stated about her abilities is headcanon, yet you didn't indicate what parts were headcanon. Also, comparing how much thought and text was seems to have gone into this section compared to other sections of the app, it feels distinctly off balance.
Ultimately we feel the app was bare boned and unfinished, and doesn't clearly demonstrate your grasp on this character. Of course, you are welcome to apply again at another time.
no subject
Hi Critiana,
We're sorry we weren't able to accept Sakuya into the game. We will try to outline for you the problems we encountered while looking at your app so you know what we're looking for in the future.
Preincarnated History:
First, we had a hard time following the canon history without consulting a Wiki. Something that is clearer in terms of chronological order and goes into more detail regarding what happened during events that you listed, would make for a more coherent biography
Reincarnated History:
We feel that her being born in France and then somehow ending up in an orphanage in Germany was a choice that didn't make sense in the real world without explanation. Another issue is that orphanages haven't operated like that in a long time (In Germany). In modern times everything happens through foster families. StE - with the exception of echoes, monsters and Locke City existing - is just like our world. Due to this, real world laws and institutions are a part of the premise.
Preincarnation Personality:
This section was not only very short for a personality section (especially after adjusting for headcanon,) but also rather skeletal. A good approach here would be "show, not tell." It's important to back up facts with examples; to not only say "she is loyal" but also "she is shown to be loyal in this situation."
We would have also liked to see who else or what else is important to her besides Remilia, and how her personality traits apply to people other than Remilia. The personality section should really be the "meat and potatoes" part of the app.
Abilities:
You indicate that some of what you have stated about her abilities is headcanon, yet you didn't indicate what parts were headcanon. Also, comparing how much thought and text was seems to have gone into this section compared to other sections of the app, it feels distinctly off balance.
Ultimately we feel the app was bare boned and unfinished, and doesn't clearly demonstrate your grasp on this character. Of course, you are welcome to apply again at another time.
-The mods